I recently visited YouTube and a Brené Brown video caught my attention. If you’re not familiar with Dr. Brown, she is best known for her work on Shame and Vulnerability. The title of the video, “The Anatomy of Trust” captivated me to watch and I’m so glad that I did.
Disappointment is one of the most challenging feelings we encounter in life. Being human and in relationship with each other, it’s inevitable that we’ll either disappoint our partner or be disappointed by them when we’re attached to a certain outcome.
The true test for a couple is determining if you’ve built a strong foundation of trust that allows your relationship to withstand and survive when one of you falters.
Brené uses the acronym BRAVING to describe Trust as we are “braving” connection when we trust others and ourselves.
B – Boundaries – Are your boundaries clear and do you respect my boundaries?
R – Reliability – Are you reliable? I can trust you if you do what you say you are going to do on a consistent basis.
A – Accountability – Can you own your mistakes, apologize and make amends?
V – Vault – Will you hold in confidence what I share with you? Additionally, it’s vitally important for me to keep what you share confident and not allow gossip to spread.
I – Integrity – Brene’s definition of Integrity – “To have courage over comfort, choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast and easy, practicing your values not just professing them… in non-judgment.”
N – Non Judgment – Can you ask for and accept help when you need it? Can you help others and be there for them when they need you?
G – Generosity – Can you share generously how you felt when someone has wronged you?
She refers to relationship expert John Gottman who states that trust is built in the smallest of moments. Can I count on you to be there for me?
Ultimately, trust in relationship comes down to doing the “little things” that matter for our partner and us every day that fills up the Love Bank Account. If your account has consistent deposits it will deepen your relationship built on a foundation of trust.
You can see the full video below.
Let us know what you and your partner do to build trust in your relationship so that we can share with our community in a future blog.